The Dept. of Injustice has issued a new Miranda Warning.
by Liz Franklin
The Dept. of Injustice has issued a new and more accurate Miranda Warning.
Effective immediately, all law enforcement officers are to use the following when Mirandizing a suspect:
You have the right to remain silent. However, if you choose to exercise this right, you will immediately become the prime suspect, and by tunnel-vision extension, the ONLY suspect. We will promptly stop investigating any and all other suspects. You will become the bone to our proverbial dog, and we will not let go for any reason. From this point forward, we will tailor our investigation to fit our theory that you are guilty.
Anything you say can AND WILL BE used against you in a court of law. It is within our rights to twist and distort your statements to fit our needs. Furthermore, although we will accept nothing but the truth from you, we are permitted, even encouraged, to lie to you about anything we see fit for the purposes of extracting a confession from you. If you are offered an opportunity to take a lie detector test to clear yourself but refuse to do so--again, we will hone in on you to the exclusion of all others. The same goes if you decide to take the test and fail (according to the opinion of the polygraph examiner), even though said tests have been deemed unreliable by the courts and therefore not admissible. We will "leak" this information to the media per the Dept. of Injustice's long-standing "guilty until proven innocent" policy.
You have the right to an attorney. However, should you exercise this right and ask for your attorney, again, we will interpret this as an admittance of guilt, because as we all know, you don't need an attorney unless you are guilty of something.
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. However, attorneys provided by the court will most likely be inexperienced, understaffed, and overwhelmed-so good luck with that.
Do you understand the rights as I have read them? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me? Once again, if you do, you will be thrust into an interrogation of nightmare proportions for an undetermined length of time. If you choose not to waive your rights as explained to you, we will stop all questioning and immediately assume your guilt.
This new warning has been issued by the Department of Injustice. This department oversees all that is evil.
You can view the actual Miranda warning at: https://www.mirandawarning.org/whatareyourmirandarights.html
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?"